dear friend. i still talk to my ownself.

mornings are late .. the best i can afford right now is to sleep .. until i get to work. and even there it all feels like a big dream.. i would rather be gone far where the dreams have flavours, where you can touch them, where they make you cry , where everything feels a lot more real. i wanna survive instead of just hiding . i wanna struggle with my whole body, instead of thinking and thinking, i want people to take my love because it's to o much for me alone. the music becomes too intense on morning lie this ... i gave a tittle to this text , the words are not for my old friend, the girl i will always love , but the feeling i had just when i awoke was for you . i have been hiding, avoiding to see you , not because i dont mis syou , but because i feel so bad i havnt give you back whatbelongs to you .. i really want to. but i can be a bastard of premium grades when i party , and i burn in flames everything that surrounds me.
now again and again i have 3 weeks to give more money away to the government , for a film i refuse to make right now. Jonathan say it's o.k. i have a whole year. i hate thinking about the years to come. it's not really moving to see myself in here right now, just before all goes into frozen land. after magikal weekend everyting is low. the coffee is true company. and you are still here alone, chain-smoking... you are thinking of moving, but it's only half-making sense. when i look arround i do know i am not the only one, struggling but it feels like i'm seeing without my glasses.
' if i should dye right now, i would not feel , cuz i have never feel completeness. .. (..) i wanna love you t'll the seas are dry. t'll i dye"" this is not from me, but i can feel it anyway . it;s a crazy feeling you get when you search in between all of this human race. when all you want is love and you forget about your ownself...