sept. 23 th 2'33 am...... sleep

just a little words, .. i just posted a big text that was sitting on my screen, it was actually the smallest , i will soon try to put images or a layout or something prettyon my blog pages. for now it is words and words.... and it's funny how this blog is hidding , but somehow we like to have a part of ourself lost on th enet, because it is a fucking lost place, it's a senseless place for loner sometimes, for people who might feel brilliant replacing television by their computers. i usually take letters fro journal i have on the machine and post it here... it's a superficial journal, but it's still me, except people should try handwriting, it's gorgeous , it does turn me on, hand writing and old books, old poetry , new poetry , stories, i talk like a true reader who reads all kinds of shit, nope, i am actually picky lik eyou wouldn't believe ,... it always takes me forever to find a book i might like .. but when i do , i do for real.... i am now reading henry Miller's tropics of cancer after is 'love and laughter' they both are amazing... i want more queer litterature but my city is pauvre dans ce cas-ci .... i just just recovered internet home, so i'll probably be writing a lot to the estranged.. i like it... indeed it's only and will always be just long long conversation with myself. i went for a bit of therapy and realize no one will ever know me as muc as my words are dripping, i have so much journals i felt like i should land the therapist one for her freaking boring life ( i didnt say it, she said it ) ... going there and doing a speech to them made me realize t'll forever that i am so far away from crazy ... i am a freak ,,, but if one thing i became not is insane.. i am mad only about one thing, more like obsess ...l.o.v.e. wait a bit you'll see soon... it shows.... i recently wrote a letter to this lovely woman i know in Toronto, she was quite surprised how not emotionnally craving it was, more down to earth... she liked it... it's like a file.... not everyone can support that much overwhelming lovingness ( ha ha ha ) but for me its a bit hard to live without it ! it can feel so empty ...
nut i always survive... like a friend pirate would say , we have to , go through .... because there is always something after . i cannot throw away or forget the past , i keep it for lonely days , i keep it even when the lost hurts like knifes that are intertwine in the heart but it stays and healing can be, but sometimes old loves appear like new kind of pain everyday, dreams awake with no issues, and lay awake dreaming of deep sleep.

deep sleep and dreams in which...
you might feel the love have survived.
sur ce je quite vers les bras de morphee...