to learn to live in the now

waking up , it's no more morning glory . the heat it heavy.
coffee and cigarettes for breakfast . nothing more.
except i would like to go ride in the rain ... to go ride , and maybe hop a train
but i refuse to leave alone. i am waiting . endlessly . for the perfect companion. and then i might go away . south . wher i could re-write the tropics.

and smokes cigarettes. chain chain smokin' . i will let it rain.

of course i had to expect . that feeling of lneliness to catch me in my dreams.
awake, and my bed is left undone. i havn't spoke to no one lately.
i cried in my bed. the feelings . was left . inside. alone. .lonely
today was like yesterday. i didn't expect . more .

i think. i have never felt that lonely .... empty.
my name is still . marijo st-amour. i look like a boy . i am a woman. i need love. .... without it . nothing exist .

i have these words tattooed on my fingers. f.e.a.r.n.o.l.o.v.e..

today. i burn in the day

today, what a fucking day . and i am here to write some more. because there is not much to stop me. / i ran away with my friend didi down-town there is nothing ther there . nothing there for me . do i really care some more. i want t get out of my body . i can't afford that right now . i am stock with a body that's mine i know exaactly how to carry . flesh and bones but seriously have you ever felt any light and the day. there is sun shines and it burns my skinns . and it's itchchy . ca grille . ca grille ... ca piqque . what the fuck am i suppose to do . on a nights like this .. i wannna cry . i wanna cries. i wanna fly away. so you willl not catch me where ever i choose to stay . i w ill go ad fly away. sleep away .. a way. my name is margo .. not marijo ??? only for the private,. and intimate.

morning i wish they would last

morning. awake. not enough time. i am struggling for details like i don't know how to set up my computer . run programs. i want my house to be set . i want to have days that don't exist . where i can clean the whole space . and grow plants , and make tea. and feel clear . and not know that i have to go i the outside world to work for 8 hours. the come back and sleep. and tomorrow is my day off.... but i have so much to do . i need to create myself a kitchen spae . i need to swim. i need more fruits, and energy . the kind you get from the ocean ... i need love . i need to cry .. i need someone to hold me .... i havnt cried lately ... we need that .. i have something like a strong know in my throat i don't realize it . but i don't feel good . and no one knows. i am real real good at going outside in the days . and doing all i have to do . but i need the tears to let go. i need someone to say i love you margo. i guess i am a cancer, it;s apparently the full moon coming soon .. my birthday ,. coming soon. i want someone to take me . outside. i need more air then the fish. i need to breath under water ..

that's it i am crying now. it feels better . i guess . but i have to run away . to work.

i dream my mother would wish me sweet dreams. in whispers. and more music. melancholic.
sad drippings like crystal fall on my skin when it rains i don't hide . i let it be.
i follow my own destiny .....

i am off writing . not because i want too . because i have to go to work ....

home . sweet home

nights. finally it happens. no more running arrround for no one . ' i have access what you could posssibly call stability. my own way. i realize there is a lot of friends you don't see no more. and you miss them . but there is also all the ones arround you . could call or hang out but mi animal's instinct pushes me to rent movies, to et a lots of weird exxotic, tropical juices that's all i drink, and whyskey. i was seriously wondeering what shall i do with a kitchen . and i found answers , plants, chinese plants and herbs i wanna grow . so i can move my body in motion . breathe inside my home. have a real homage to my ancester the monkeys. bananas and lychees , espresso and whyskeys, i know i know i actually have a pretty weird diet . but it suits me endlessly, all of the above ingredients and maybe i can get some chinese tea, and rent a movie....then i'll feel confortable to invite a girl.. for diner.... .

i want to be able to cook again, i wannabe able to calll your name.
in the midnight prays. just like a prayer. i am pelegrim....
un pelerin... is that the actual words.. am i loosing fench .. or am i loosing my mind. it doesn't matter .. as long as i keep it up to

my hands,, they are craving for the long run . immortal training.

there is no rest for warriors like me .... i choose to live .

in the name of l.o.v.e.. .... in less then 8 days i will be turning
in a quarter of century .... and if i made it that far .. i am in.
for the long run .............. ride the waves of intensity.