Dear turtle, it feels almost weird to write computerize, now, but i do read your words in a peaceful way. It's 3 ;38 in the am , and i am sitting at shawnda's desk, everybody is kind of asleep , i miss this insomnia's rage drooling into my head, right now i will end up writing you truths therefore i have no time really to think ahead of what shall i say . First you need to know , i do write also being scared of betrayed, of being fucked over and up and down.. but snakes. Seriously . I have been giving you words i shall admit i wanted to charm you. Not in a ride none of us cant afford. Because i know and you also probably know i also... should have been dead a many times before today .. but i wanna live . To the core.. why . Because it's all there is to do . But all that holds a lot more then we'll ever know . Life is love . And you already know there is struggles in every battle for life therefore love.
here goes your words. .. .
what is fear and can life be with out?
No ... you see , i shall lay down some of my inner tought on that. I have fear of being alone , when i was a kid someone gave me a play card with the drawing of a joker on it , and the card told me i never had to be alone. And this person ran in life by my side. See we are warriors from lands so close but we have eye's color's struggle in different ways . But like railways i believe they meet some how. I am so scared of leaving so far again, alone, i've dreamt of someone who would look into my eyes and heart , in whispers telling me we would go where no one knows , where sun shines , where my mother the ocean
rages inside it's own waves . . .
I do not believe that life would be life with out fear… but what is our fear? Is it that we fear death shame or life of loneliness?i will ramble my way right here. Fear . Are. And i too fear . Death sometimes when i think of how my mother left me, shame i want to show you how to crush it honestly in the space behind your eyes . . where sometimes we believe only the color black lays, but you need to know in darkness i saw more lights then in a lot of sunny days i have been riding this city . So much . So far . I have pushed down my limits back and forth like a wolf you are right even the snakes you adore could never catch me.
And even tonight i come back, the days have changed , but the times are still for us to define. This is where you need to further dive like you would do in a lake full of roads. See my friend, i am getting smoother then i should, i hate it with a smile when you call me friend, because i do not know what the w.o.r.d.s. Means to you . Yet . For me . I love . The love will expand and breathe in the day , and i have stopped to worry about O where will my love go . I do not know. But i have been born with this faith like blood that crawls the way i fantasize my hands all over your skin. Vessels in style they raddle inside and i shall stay innocent in the way i walk my own self to the gate where someone could ever tell you they alas will walk the roads and gravels without you. I am a cancer not only in an emotional way. More like i am steel stud solids in the way i protect my beloved friends . Crabs are
| . | to move sideways, diagonally, or obliquely, esp. with short, abrupt bursts of speed; scutles |
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| 15. | catch a crab, to make a faulty stroke in rowing, so that the oar strikes the water forcibly on the backstroke. |
So many people and I am so curious as to what people fear the most…
what i fear the most i s.. lost .... as much as i know you have to sometimes loose to gain ... i have lost so much loved ones , family, friends, lover, .... remember , maybe you know this feeling of loosing your own self, like this song i adore , loosing my religion. Well let me tell you i have lost enough already and i will always remember my friend pirate's words. When we loose one of us , we loose a part of us . And this is one truth you indeed probably went through back drops before . For .
Because this law reside in trust . Tonight i walked in a room full of my friends, and she was the one never we are drunk enough to forget who will stay , who stayed before, the ones that have left us all alone . And you never forget such things . And you grow up fast like a mother fucker you become stranger to your own self . IF .... si seulement .. on pouvait se suivre a la chaine comme les railles qui resiste encore et encore. For ever. .
you do . Maybe remember have i ever told you my life i chosen a long time ago to make it into a ...
P.L.A.Y.
play .. as a game.. you win and you loose .. but the show must go on ... thats why there is an animal inside me for every emotion i carry .. a turtle for the days i am not so sure off. And a terrible black panther for the ones i crave to devore.. and a killer whale for when i need to fuck off this city in style and move along the ocean .. for a while . For ..
inhale exhale.
And a cat for the city i can see through , and the lust in me when i wanna touch you , in the distances i am melting , because i know there is more for me to let go..go go gogo gogo go where no one know.
and what .. there you go . Le meilleur de moi-meme. That's what they say .. hit me with your best shot.
And i have met too many people to spare me. I am some kind of a woman, and a boy and a pirate, and a ninja when i find enough concentration to do so .
But i have lost before and gain some more,.. and i know i am no immortal baby there somedays a friend a long time ago made me listen to this song ; there is a vampire moon. Tonight . Scales. And i have forgotten the left over . But i need the whales . I mean the waves people i let them trace on me . I still do ... but honestly. f.e.a.r. i train them to quite help me . lick me .. i have hopes .
And i hope someone will be gentle and raw, and will forget a bit about tomorrows. And acknowledge we are not always here to stay . So many times i saw possibilities , i felt the dreams coming to me in proses so real i felt it in my skin .. but it turns out to be a disease or a .. another dreams . Dreamz .
They comes to me in music....
crazyyyyyyyyyyyyou wanna read me .. i am listening to Roxanne , this song like tango it plays in the moulin rouge. Tonight as an hystery( history) i tought i could re-write reality of the mile-end-rouge..
o lord .. i should keep that for when i throw away all i did so say .. in times when i lived here..
Montreal. I adore you . Even tonight .. i have not written like that in a long long time ...... because i know in the morning i will be walking along the railways ..... addictions or not ... .i will be true ... and it's absolutely ALL i care for...
the world outside can be the lie you wanted to forget about but no ... i shall stick to my new religion.
Tattoo on the skin. Scars you deserve to feel my friend . For the day maybe you'll want to touch me . No sex. Tracing our history in fine lines all along the body. Le corps. The one to carry . . i will be stable in the way i will stay . It takes me more sometimes to run away , i have forgot that i should fear being lost , or left . Behind . Even when i was running ahead of a time . 1645 the ages are to be re-define . . i have thrown up my fear , and now i am on a new diet .. called hopes ..
i hope you will let me take you ... o ... only with permissions i do these things . I write so confident. But i want you to take me away . Far .. further .. remember. The roller coaster that goes in a lane. Lines,,,,
l.i.v.e.f.o.r.w.a.r.d.s..t.h.e.d.a.y.s.............
o and also just because i am writing when some could assume i should be sleeping . No ones tells me when to sleep .. only .. my mind. My heart will say so sweet cuz i win .. this . I know .. my heart can let me know inside my brains when it's time to shut up ...
so someone asked me so gently what was ... my friend what is your greatest fear?
f/ea/r/ fear . More of loneliness. Because i know how to write ...
reality , a prison which i can only escape by writing ( anais nin )
you are right . I fear a lot . Actually more .. if i would to enumerate those worries.
Work, house, food, cigarettes and ran me a lullaby .. but all these are details...
details .. les details que je m'en fou . J'en suis a ce point . Tournant where i fear .. more like i care ..
for will i ever leave to travel with someone to ride along with m e. more company then the voices i dearly carry . I fear .... we do .and you . you know it .. but ...
there is suffering and lost .. and tralalalallalaaaaalala.. but i can spend the days thinking about it .. or i can just try .. a little harder to be brave ..
brave. —Synonyms 1. bold, intrepid, daring, dauntless, heroic. Brave, courageous, valiant, fearless, gallant refer to confident bearing in the face of difficulties or dangers. Brave is the most comprehensive: it is especially used of that confident fortitude or daring that actively faces and endures anything threatening. Courageous implies a higher or nobler kind of bravery, esp. as resulting from an inborn quality of mind or spirit that faces or endures perils or difficulties without fear and even with enthusiasm. Valiant implies a correspondence between an inner courageousness and external deeds, particularly of physical strength or endurance. Fearless implies unflinching spirit and coolness in the face of danger. Gallant implies a chivalrous, impetuous, or dashing bravery.
someone once told me i was not completely looking, running , searching, craving , for only love that it matters .. but for peace ..
courage .. .you need to walk through most of all you have not even faced yet ..
be brave.. and i will ... no matter what ...
why ! Because when i tell you i want to keep alive the child inside of me .. i think of ages before you and i . and your ancester were to maybe be born ...
fellini; there is no need of reality .
my name is Marijo St-Amour ( still ) awake ... i will follow the waves inside me ... and they are digne de pirates, de chevallerie, et romanesque... bring me .. feed me ,.. burlesqe ...
and i will pray .. howl at the moon .,.. for more .. ...
show me love . And i'll show you life . ( fuck even that i feel like i should maybe explain .. )
not the kind of love we tought we knew.. we were tought ..
l'amour est a reinventer.
o and don't you dare to tell me i am a believer ...
i only listen .. to my heart .. because .. he heart beats my days and i cannot . Run away .
And i use to carry a silver coeur, but i will stand at the border . And if they shoot me through . Then i will only be more of an open heart to suck in my own destiny. The blood to fall is my only illusion.
