new york Mix. film festival.

just those images for now of the mix festival.. i got to screen 2 film there . in the big apple. but Brooklyn i love as always more.

picture still...

there is so much words to say. fingers typing this feeling. i need to act slowly. the eyes behind that camera, focus. capture me. au-delà de ces soirées qui défilent en mes rêves. i feel so awake away for now. let me rest again. one more time.

see l'acte I to begin. this is la suite. Sérénade

acte un. Sérénade en extraits.

everything moves around but i have mostly been still. i dream a lot, more then ever. i know what time off means, i know what family means to me. love and laughter. i miss the city but not enough, i careless about money but need it. Later. i wrote by urge in the bus last night, it was pure nostalgia once again, and black birds surfing skies. zéro clouds. Late night with my dad and aunt, we laughed like drunken kids, smoked endlessly but it took me forever to sleep. awake in the middle of nowhere it still feels home.
i'm gonna stay just a little longer, nowhere to call me by a name. but i call you each time i rest awake, by your name. your name i kept alive inside me.

highway.

Dear what will appear somewhere in that book.. to know I have just tried to create a film , a video , a dance in dual I dreamt and even found a true beauty. A beautiful friend who attracts my eyes and the stranger’s mouth wishing her sensation as a model. But we worked instead in a chaos I know enough that it becomes sweet tasks in the end. To the day we were trying to finish for a while this session of trying to recreate a dance only lovers in . love . could accomplish . and then I saw you , since I never do, it’s always a shock and quite close to the ridicule we met in a supermarket.
Trying to talk of all the more casual subjects possible, art , sober land , creation , life . but my heart was the one going crazy , in a perfectly shaky way, shy doesn’t even qualify. I call it with no hesitation passion. And like my oldest friend once said back when we were side by side shortly , too short for me not to be haunted forever by truth . truth in every way I feel, in the days so many I tried to tell myself you were dead, maybe that would have painful but forever gone this feeling , this dream I cannot cure how much I want to live along with you, I want to meet your heart once again. before I die, or I will die and that I only can write so because I know the feel of eternity. This feeling you taste when you get close by death, or when the dead and ghosts appear in the day so clear , when no one knows but you do. .. my feelings are nothing obsessive, it is never gonna be obsession that will push me to love you and feed in the distance this love for you . it’s called . faith . ‘’ love and faith endures the world passes away . ‘’





I’m in the middle lost of Brooklyn , early June 2008 . I met you more then almost 3 years ago. And even tough I wrote like a motherfucker all my life . this book will , not have to be by common sense of honouring what I truly care for. Passion.
Love . I write this word pretty easily you use to tell me so when I first met you . it’s o.k. but now no one could ever tell me the same. And it would have been different to meet you a week ago. The hopeless ideal , lie or NOT . it’s never gonna be a matter , the past becomes a memory some let go, by mistake, by indifference, by lie is the worst , no even worst is what you called denial . but I struggle with some kind of inner balance , how to let truth grow out of a story without ever loosing the signals only heart beats tell you so, I think my hands right now for a while, and I realize it’s been like that since I started to write, I could have easily wrote about Brooklyn, about the gangs in all around us, all night out sitting on their sidewalk, playing the only music in repeat so loud it makes me dream of silence for once. Really . and my friend Helen who told me the ‘ repas du jour, special today for fucking everybody is LO MEIN, morning cold from last night who cares, so far it was suppose to be 2 to 4 weeks, and after one I dream of so many things Montreal offers me so easily, and chocolate soymilk, and more. Even the chocolate bar I eat like an addict , a real one, are better in my country then everywhere else in the world.


It kills sometimes I know I have this reputation to be insane , o play me the violin, I talk a lot, lately I realize when I'm drowned into old minded scene of truly friendly stories, I find myself calm and peaceful with myself, with you, even with my own enemy or the friends that needs me no more, or the ones I get sick of, I feel comfortable even in my hometown that insane fact .
It’s all these statements and fragments coming that makes me realize just now, as I write, and more important as I remember . the girls who forever captured my heart . I could never pretend she has became only my truest friend, you know the kind of friend that stay, she goes away but when I ‘m with her nothing exist that we couldn’t do or go through .. started all by whispers of you written under my skin .


Ok. June somewhere June . 9th they say . basement perfect landscape of bricks and walls and carpets and t.v. and I am happy to smoke . really . some people need money . I do too. But for now I have all I need. Some people crave sex, i play pilgrim my way. Everything is perfect like it is. Far from the city . far from any worries. Is there a price to pay . it’s not a price , it’s a different kind of loneliness. Lucy my fairy lover full of fur is always by my side, even when I go to the washroom, she stand right by me , true love . and there is family , it feels quite strange still alright the calm inside, the wanting to be there, getting closer. Missing parties back in Montreal, it doesn’t matter no more. I’d rather write to myself then await from any conversation that would come over the internet.

Later. Still sitting like a home boy, so easy finally to do what I please to do. My cousin here reminding me how much I miss fishing and out work physical, it's right there for me . i touched it.
last night i laid like a stoner in heavy foamed deep water. i drank scotch and smoked still in boiling water. listening to Charlie parker.. why would i run anywhere else for now. i am wide awake. aware and time to kill professional hit-man.

amerika.

i bought a pint of milk covered with the american flag, lovely . not. i have been craving Montreal's chocolate soy milk. although their ice cream is cheap and lovely. i won't stay forever, for the first time of my life i feel like i could stay more with my family. in between Montreal and there. but here i would need to start something new, my wandering have not pushed me so far into the writing i live for. even the people here have been welcoming more then certain old friends but that doesn't matter. i am a homeboy more then i appear. At least it never took me time to fuck off and go, i became more then good at it. my new obsession is to get my license and drive. but i have this new plan to go europe. why. since i know so far i cannot truly come back right away. what a plan. and i should do it now, since i refuse to move again in a stable house until it's with someone i like, a lot. i also fear another complete winter in this city , in this country basically. my body needs warmth. if what i have to do is get lost on an island i will. Al laugh in such a lovely about this way i have to follow my pulsion so fast. she works so much to pay rent, and i havn't been working in ages. but a certain man i adore is back and i dream more of working with him then staying in dear brooklyn. that's it for now, i started to dream like a maniac, it's one big joy i get from being sober. really.

..

Montréal . loin de moi . for now . for a moment. i rode my bike with obviously too many bags into another city . it's full of people i don't know . i love the strangers who are better humans then my brothers. not you . the other one .
the ride down here . longer then 6 hours, so many cigarettes, i dropped on a photograph gentleman who was more nervous then me about crossing the border. i told him about my lucky charms. and it worked ô so fine. 37 bucks more i could have given away. for now i am going to buy a book, to take picture, to smoke like i am in love. like i do .
from now on, i let myself float, and believe me i'll be floating way better once i drop down my bags. i also brought down my whale.
way more words to come. it's been a while. i took my retreat from my dear Montréal .
pray thy lord for the hotdogs they feed me in brooklyn. don't try to catch me. unless you respect my faithful road, with somehow no mercy for what's left for now. les jours passés peuvent attendre lentement . très lentement .

. . tough love and laughter ..

winter was just a shallow dream

sinema

exist .

there is me , and another child who actually helped over my birth .. then the grand woman .. she smokes, doesn't inhale the fumes.. just like me .. le plaisir de faire de la boucane . et puis . ... o wait a second i forget the two woman i love the most ..

it better be there , this picture . apparently they all say i just look exactly like her , a little less ink on the skin . but it doesn't matter .. i live .. in the name of her . i recently, after going crazy for another winter. o stoopido what was i thinking to stay here in the cold and icing snow with my broken feet . but i did it .
and i am about to get back to no stability which in my case means the perfect stability inside my soul. let go. of the walls around me . of the light superficial. i need air, i need to lay my body in the grass more then actual sugar in my coffee.
i need to move again, to go where my heart wants too.
my grandmother on easter told me get a boyfriend and marry you .. o aleluya.
i smiled and laugh, she gets nervous. she sees the day coming where she will not be there to help me. but i don't need a boyfriend, i would give my heart to someone if it felt true, and i actually noticed once again how freaking loyal i am , to my ownself. to the ones i adore, even in the distance ..

the love is... inside of me . and i need to move out of my room , and see it in the people's eyes. dans les yeux. more then any computer screen you ever encountered ..

ce n'est pas pour rien que l'on a dit a long time ago.. dans ce regard le miroir de cet âme réside. .. i need nature, i need human nature.. and the animal in me is about to run free..

also i wil start posting more words on www.skandhal.com.

if anyone reads this , well move on.. .. go go go ou le vent m'emportera.

à jamais .

la fenetre de mes espoirs

rue boyer. where we use to say a perfect wall to be broken into a counter for us to share a cup of coffee in twilight , or before midnight . or again and again .

des images. plusieurs a venir .

de.lay

from another home, and now i take back the truth about my life, in my head will ever be my home, if i take time to breathe in , and surely remember what i truly care for. after more then a month of rushing things, well nothing to regrets i am an eternal pusher in terms of the limits. but i thought i had reach my limits. no . i did not . only i lost a little time in winter's fallout worried i wouldn't do my film on time. but it matters not , now that i know where it was meant to go, ride intact or exact to get there. i can fall off my bike, on my knees, yesterday slow slide in the stairs. and bruise are details, i heal, faster then doctors react for me, since i tend to feel comfort in the comfort animal of my heart. nothing bestial, gentle species, i doubt to see me chasing anyone , no target i am the cible dans l'echos de ces jours passees i kept on talking for nothing , if truly i intended to act like a better wolf i would no tbe howling in loops acknowledge of what i already know deeply in my heart, in my art. you will see. when depends on the time i choose to chew over and over my emotions are no feeling but i want an aesthetic a framing beauty with nails around for the hands ready to price themselves for a touch in sin causes luxury. really . stay awake in dreams for sake of anything less then to fulfill your inside eyes. for they would like to fall in yours again . but you , are a dream i tend not to forget and for now i let them approach the child in me . is tired .
can you believe we havn't had coffee in ages. there is no spell right now for your name . it's in my love only i let it be .

mémoire por mon imagination

o des détails...

And then . Si tôt. I am starting a project i have been awaiting for a good reason, sans oublier , mais cette fois je vais travailler de concert avec ces gens qui ont marquées mon existence, il y a de ces mémoire et mon coeur sur-impose . imagination..

So soon des détails, des écrits, et mon corps en mouvements. sous le regards en éveil , la rencontre .
J 'espère des pluies en infinies.

Passion needs Patience ...

L'un est l'Art , l'autre l'Amour

o does it make more then sense... and i wish you were here . l'Ami ideal qui au-dessus d'un cafe pourrait m'aider a en rire, rire encore et pleurer, mais j'ai assez pleurer pour certain, what i adore most is now, where i could cry and laugh along with you dans ce cartier ou finalement je me suis possee, new people, new faces, but you are the only one from my memory that feels more then real. and again i wrote one of those, you know ces lettres si longues, beauty and pain, of course i wrote about love. jamais un prince ne devient muse. il y a l'exception a la regle but the stories written in books, are done.
And we create the future.
the future.. you better be laughing when you read this one, when i think about you , i always smile.