les nuits seule au chateau en annex.

now the concentration is becoming slow. and there was visit. i a the visit that hides inside by choice. i want water, to feel better in the clothes i have been running all day. and it's not getting any cooler at night, i dream of a shower with no shiver after, of a bed made of pillows, and soft blankets, all the missing i have not been doing any much about, i sleep when i'm tired, an di leave when it feels heavy to be in a space with no radio, it's the worst, i could sleep on wooden floor with music and cigarettes way before all the unnescesary. soon it will be over, and i will need hell of an excuse to come back.
i am still waiting for you stranger, and god knows how much i hate it. waiting for what i would run faster to find myself. it keeps me awake but if you wait for nothing then nothing is any better. not now. i spoke to my dear emma, i read easily the few lines you send me, we will talk tomorrow. we might see each other sunday , then i a gone, i would have stayed to see you play. but it's hard for me to look at you and even from close i feel the distance and accoustic in a room dark where i would see no one but you and cloud of smoke, i then would stay . but i have my ticket outside of this city so freaking early on monday , i have been quiet about leaving, but i have not done a thing. worries do come on time .

i am melting inside , and feeling just a little alergic to the outside streets, toronto to be the first city where i don't feel calm in crazy night's crowded streets. i run faster but aware of all the drunken fuckers. c'est la vie .
mais ce n'est pas ma vie, i tought of myself away from cities and felt it impossible the silences and little arround you, but never again i have felt the need to be away. i would die alone in the country. it's hard to think of ho wlong could i stay with the angels and demons in my head. by the sea with enough scotch and a nice little desk just by the window. there is nothing enough crazy not to live through. i want changes, and i need to change along with them .

i feel quiet now. just now.