all i care for is you and you and words.

seriously .. there is days when you get confused or indeed waste time thinking of what you can do next, career. jobs,studies. well most of those i wanna do are just not here for now. and then at the end of the day when i end up somewhere so tired, and manage to sit in front of my book or another new computer, all i wanna do s write ,and i can't call it only fun, it's a necessity, some exercise without it you go crazy , the body needs rest but my head can only go to sleep once it has been dumping several words out of it . i partied hard in hochelaga last night , more like the last 50 hours or so, less food or what you can swallow in, but after a while your muscles and organs are going low, and i left today after 5 hours of sleep dieu merci. to go west again, st-henri and the rest was short but delightful, spending time one on one by the river with a new friend, another one to tell me they like it actually when i bring back so sharply the feeling of love, hope . and we talked about surrender, the perfect word and most insane challenge you can only struggle through. for a moment i had forgot the pain inside me, the teeth that use to be filled with stained blood in the morning were gone back to an honest smile i could deliver once again. by the river with a beer and cigarettes we talked for a while. it's funny when you end up having the same kind of conversations with many people, deep into the world around you and the spiritual quest some follow and some don't even know, and all it's o.k. to follow what works for you. she told me her life was going to be full inside if she kept on learning always , which tells me back with no doubt actually she will be a perfect strong woman able to point out the bad , and help the ugly to show the world that what you should really find out about people is the feelings floating inside their soul. the magic will come and you will find others just like you there is beauty all over us but whatever is kept empty, kept unfed will rot eventually. i like the image in my mind just now, the difference between a man looking so fancy dress in versace who alone still manage to treat the world around him just like shit , because he hasn't even thought about it .. those species are the usual one i tend to see shortly in downtown somedays hey make me go away . i go away and ride until i find a place hiding behind a factory near by the train track, with grass trying to break in between the rocks and noise further, nobody else but me facing the dead paysage in front of my eyes, steel structure rusted and broken bones of what could have been century ago a castle for hobos, and i'm glad for a bit i get to see it, and i know everywhere i go there will be broken pictures, but i least they welcome me in serenity hard to describe and i know for sure these land looking almost dead have been through so much history it's a lifetime glory. and to be honest i think i'd rather run my life fast then slowly then fast again, through all that rain out and inside me, you never know when the structure will start to break in so slowly and i still am far from so good taking care of the only thing that will ever carry me through insanity . i feel lucky after wise that the bricks are falling right on me, i get bruises but fucking don't ask me why but at the end of the day i still find a way to look at it and never i can hold on to regrets, it's worthless. i will fight to the price of loosing my life maybe one day , and what i have and intend to keep alive is my freedom, and tonight even you were lovely by the water to remind me that the one and only place worth really to be free is in my soul, in my dreams, the ones to draw for me to see reality. and remember if one day i get shot down an alley, or thrown in jail for my what so thievery even if anyone tells you hey oh they got margo capture or hey oh they kill the poor girl down the highway . you are a fool to dare believing any story told about me from an outside source, i am the one who decide when it's over , i choose to live where i wanna live, and my mind no one is ever gonna take over and control it's way. if i die then it's a fucking lie because i never choose so.
for some it is harder, because we want to go further, and i realize talking to you we were right that one crazy new age type of urban monk ride to follow is to surrender of anything that could possibly take over the lightness you adore when you ride in the streets late at night in the city when it sleeps not so carefully, it's sometimes more of a battlefield in the daytime, so i hide now and then but when the moon sets herself then i feel like i can find myself and the breathing of my heart is gone back to a peacefull drop into water . and i will soon escape my city again, like a runaway who hasn't done so much wrong in the outside world, but i get distracted way too easily by the addictions i know by heart in the city so i will be away for who knows how long, but this time i will not be back for a lack of money since even there i am stubborn and will not work for any job unless it's somehow showing me intensity. boring has become a word from evil. a place you don't wanna be.
for real to be honest i don't care now about where i wanna be. but i wanna be with someone late at night , someone to keep me in their bad, so warm and for more then one night, someone who will stand there in pissing rain kissing me, standing there until we grow together the love i use to let go easily like an open scars poring slowly. i need to stay patience and wait because i find it boring when i see love without passion. and i will distract myself until i find you there . in a land without any name, where we define the space we wanna invade ..