i am the killer inside me ..

a ce jour je vous dis, il le faut bien.. faire ce qu'on doit de faire quant tout l'interieur se seche et mes levres aussi. pour un seul instant c'est possible mais c'est de la folie quand le temps n'est plus. and when the days are getting long enough to hold in you more then a clockwise round trip. you need react. la reaction se fait car mon instinct ne meurt jamais, ne dors que tres peu. reagit dieu fucking merci juste au beau moment .. but always standing at the edge of myself, in balance walking on such thin lines between this moment i fear most when you see my eyes are looking scared in the daylight. i feel low. but i still write clearly for me, even my voice today would tell you everything is not the same. i came back so fast in the city i say o adore, but this time the fortune teller had seen me right, telling me i for once after walking almost free in broken glass wonder why my feets are fucked already. but this time she told me i would do what ever it takes in order to let go of a part of me i have kept so close even tough i knew how risky it will always be. and i don't want it anymore. i can't take it, days i wanna hide are days worst then jail because i am the only one judge of what i do to me. it sounds so brave when i tell you i fear not even to be trapped in a cage, so i could write and no one alive will take my life away... but i may be the lover, i knew since long ago we are made of archetypes and i am also inside somewhere the killer. i look severe in my eyes profound but don't ever be scared i would never hurt you, the only one i ever run to hurt her so is called my most precious shadow. the lover is not as solid as i could.
be.
still. hesitant. older. hurt. by dreams gone lost. i am . not dead. only.
i need to be faster at running away from myself, or else even better i should turn around to look inside my eyes they reflect all of me and if i could close down, face down and kill you murderer. strangle you t'll i can breathe again and leave you behind with the snakes that you always invite even tough you know how scared i am of them crawling in my skin.

romy made me remember the day i saw the letters so solid black on white .

love leaves it's abuser...

and if i stay then i am never gonna make it running everyday, there is no exit when the roads are circles infinite, the way cats gone crazy are running for their tails.
i do have an end, just before is the limit, and even tough i am a children belonging to the sea, it's not gonna help me to dry the life i have left there just for me.
it's intense when i write down alone in a cave, in a bed i don't even know but got told i could go, simple words i care less i am not here to give you poetry, i am trying to protect so carefully the broken feeling inside of me. le coeur.when it's over then it's over. and you do not always choose the memories crossing lines for you to see, the body when it dries is exactly like my mother's.
even blind i would have remember, life comes and go even when you are not done the play. only i should know i am still more lucky then those who would like to see me.
even dead she still care enough to come in words to remind me, she never would have raised me to become my inner murderer.

no matter how much i know i have to make it on my own. i am feeling fragile and confessing becomes easier this way. i still dream of one day someone will love and remind me passion was worth being patient and maybe she'll even help me with her hands gently to release the nervosity that runs always inside my belly.

you cannot go back, but a part of me can die so the child could see just once again. i am gone mad enough to try harder then what my life have showed me already.