only little , simple .. wait t'll i get out. in the wilder west.

words… one of the first time I truly get to type. I have been handwriting the way I do, ink. I rode in the city most of the day t’ll night falls at this bar turned into a garden party o so gay, I could see al the people so happy but obviously it is quite not me. I dream seriously of a darker place, still somewhere I could smoke endlessly, and write, and talk to people around me to music more heavy, nothing too crazy but I have craving for a night drugged by guitar languorously getting through me. and I dance, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t dance like the way they do, I get excited by soft and sharp eyes rather then sparkles and brightly days. I am a crow, and there was too much parrots tonight, it’s o.k. I am no one too complain but I like to escape en douceur, where no one knows, and always It hits me then the wanting to have someone waiting for me, someone to call home, where the heart is. and I have my own little cabin inside, but it gets dark at night usually. I am glad I met the people I have there in this house and all around me. still I go my own ways, patience comes and go, right now, just now, I am tortured inside in between going hunting the streets walking slowly with the junkies, prostitutes and who knows, someone like me. but I try to stay in thinking the feeling will slowly disappear but it’s the kind of ink I have been dripping all inside me for years gone by. and I have come through. that’s why I love my city where I find the tools I want to distract me, and the people around me that I love to see when the night is down on us. twilight is a thing , so shortly disappear then it’s pitch dark inside even when the lights are on. I am awake there is no doubt, I am an old soul in need to escape the rhythm too easy I am left standing too steady, and fuck it drives me crazy. this is far from the lies some will convince themselves, I am writing to no one but you. and I miss the last night I slept my arms around your body, it felt like I had nowhere else to go. and that’s exactly the feeling I need, just now. but the feeling is far behind, and for myself to get in troubles, I have patience left right there in front of me , only I can’t grab it so far, and we shall see how long I can stand the tease I created exquisite torture just for me. the girls I can see on the dance floor, there will be nights to come, I need my body to crawl under rainfall, and I dream of my self under your hand. la chute est lente. a dropping storm suffocates on a yearlong inside me, and it gets harder to breathe out,maybe i should jerk it all off.but that;s out of the reach. when I want to breathe inside you, mouths shuts like silent skies over empty coast road, no sideways, I only play the game in a shotgun duality, you gotta believe me when I say I hold no mercy for the girls who likes to hit and run….way to go and then I drag them in a city they call nowhere . I wanted to stay, but I push myself out of the way if I can’t see. your eyes. I remember the way you looked at me, you wouldn’t move and I couldn’t read. but still you were fast to grab in me and I let you through, reacted perfectly in the motion only dancers brings you high there, high inside and all it feels is not a thing but called it true. given a story, now I almost regret I didn’t play it an act digne de verone, the way lovers crawl into the exchange of their hearts even when you know you loose the picture frame when you break it all in two.
you said something, that I remember I should have told you.. I am driven by a thing they call crazy. but I forgot to ask you if I could ride inside for you . have we truly met or only have you wanted me before..

or I. dreaming again. even sober I confuse my own self, with the past the future when I am left alone in time gone by.. I am the moment pregnant without you .
I am my self with or without you.