to learn to live in the now

waking up , it's no more morning glory . the heat it heavy.
coffee and cigarettes for breakfast . nothing more.
except i would like to go ride in the rain ... to go ride , and maybe hop a train
but i refuse to leave alone. i am waiting . endlessly . for the perfect companion. and then i might go away . south . wher i could re-write the tropics.

and smokes cigarettes. chain chain smokin' . i will let it rain.

of course i had to expect . that feeling of lneliness to catch me in my dreams.
awake, and my bed is left undone. i havn't spoke to no one lately.
i cried in my bed. the feelings . was left . inside. alone. .lonely
today was like yesterday. i didn't expect . more .

i think. i have never felt that lonely .... empty.
my name is still . marijo st-amour. i look like a boy . i am a woman. i need love. .... without it . nothing exist .

i have these words tattooed on my fingers. f.e.a.r.n.o.l.o.v.e..

today. i burn in the day

today, what a fucking day . and i am here to write some more. because there is not much to stop me. / i ran away with my friend didi down-town there is nothing ther there . nothing there for me . do i really care some more. i want t get out of my body . i can't afford that right now . i am stock with a body that's mine i know exaactly how to carry . flesh and bones but seriously have you ever felt any light and the day. there is sun shines and it burns my skinns . and it's itchchy . ca grille . ca grille ... ca piqque . what the fuck am i suppose to do . on a nights like this .. i wannna cry . i wanna cries. i wanna fly away. so you willl not catch me where ever i choose to stay . i w ill go ad fly away. sleep away .. a way. my name is margo .. not marijo ??? only for the private,. and intimate.

morning i wish they would last

morning. awake. not enough time. i am struggling for details like i don't know how to set up my computer . run programs. i want my house to be set . i want to have days that don't exist . where i can clean the whole space . and grow plants , and make tea. and feel clear . and not know that i have to go i the outside world to work for 8 hours. the come back and sleep. and tomorrow is my day off.... but i have so much to do . i need to create myself a kitchen spae . i need to swim. i need more fruits, and energy . the kind you get from the ocean ... i need love . i need to cry .. i need someone to hold me .... i havnt cried lately ... we need that .. i have something like a strong know in my throat i don't realize it . but i don't feel good . and no one knows. i am real real good at going outside in the days . and doing all i have to do . but i need the tears to let go. i need someone to say i love you margo. i guess i am a cancer, it;s apparently the full moon coming soon .. my birthday ,. coming soon. i want someone to take me . outside. i need more air then the fish. i need to breath under water ..

that's it i am crying now. it feels better . i guess . but i have to run away . to work.

i dream my mother would wish me sweet dreams. in whispers. and more music. melancholic.
sad drippings like crystal fall on my skin when it rains i don't hide . i let it be.
i follow my own destiny .....

i am off writing . not because i want too . because i have to go to work ....

home . sweet home

nights. finally it happens. no more running arrround for no one . ' i have access what you could posssibly call stability. my own way. i realize there is a lot of friends you don't see no more. and you miss them . but there is also all the ones arround you . could call or hang out but mi animal's instinct pushes me to rent movies, to et a lots of weird exxotic, tropical juices that's all i drink, and whyskey. i was seriously wondeering what shall i do with a kitchen . and i found answers , plants, chinese plants and herbs i wanna grow . so i can move my body in motion . breathe inside my home. have a real homage to my ancester the monkeys. bananas and lychees , espresso and whyskeys, i know i know i actually have a pretty weird diet . but it suits me endlessly, all of the above ingredients and maybe i can get some chinese tea, and rent a movie....then i'll feel confortable to invite a girl.. for diner.... .

i want to be able to cook again, i wannabe able to calll your name.
in the midnight prays. just like a prayer. i am pelegrim....
un pelerin... is that the actual words.. am i loosing fench .. or am i loosing my mind. it doesn't matter .. as long as i keep it up to

my hands,, they are craving for the long run . immortal training.

there is no rest for warriors like me .... i choose to live .

in the name of l.o.v.e.. .... in less then 8 days i will be turning
in a quarter of century .... and if i made it that far .. i am in.
for the long run .............. ride the waves of intensity.

soon i will be a quarter O century !

night has fallen, just be my angel in the night , one day i will find another angel that will await my drop in like an alley cat loyal feline . that crawls in the city, to your door . i am realizing how much this boris vian's quote was perfectly said for me.
je n'ai pas a gagne ma vie , je l'ai ! completely. i possess the dreams i tend to lay awake in. and soon i will be again re-decorating myself an halo , a museum of margoz, a sweet sweet three and a half a minute away from the jean talon market. indian district and i will un-pack treasure i had forgotten i had, a computer, so i can drill my soul onto pages and pages of words... wisdom. and dare dare to be me and me and me ... i wil write for you and you and you and you i havn't met yet . . w.or.d.s. in the middle of a bath i call your name , in the middle of a dream i will be pouring some scotch-whyskey on the rocks ... and drink it in the shower, cold water to caress my skin ...
i will be able to wake up and feed myself some of my magigk potion ... chinese tea .... medicine of my own .... stretch my body to the sound of opera ... o jesus i am extatik ..... dreaming of this space ...... like i have been a lonesone dog . in need to create my own shelter .... soon soon soon ... it will be real .... like the sounds of your name in whispers my heart ..... i carry the emotions ... i want you to find me ... i am there waiting .. for you to find me .. my love ... my dearest love .,

we will be shadows in the sea .. side .. watching the stars ...

i am alive . and i will find someone to give me a reason for lust ( angels of light )

sincerely yours .. jami y

july i awated y.o.u.

june still. i can see an end to this era of couch surfin my way all over this city ( montreal). i am soon to get my flat . a three and a half. in the indian village . i just got back from toronto. it ws queer*down*weekend. all good , some crushes i tought would have happen towards my way , but not , instead i met new people, i finally met some i had been in touch, in words before. i find it crazy this ability i have to imagine relationship everywhere, and i am O so glad i am being true to all the people i would like to fall for more then friend... ship .. with . i am please right now , i consider myself so fucking happy with the friends i have all over .. some knows me a little , some have known me .. in crazy sad or delirious ... .peacefulll and calm i actuallly fell right now . . i am a going to be a controversial coming of age type of woman. the king of girl, that loves still to beleive i am neither a girl nor a man , . i am a bOy .. and hell of a grand woman. . gender what so ever, i am one of these excited to turn into a quarter of century.... soon ... in 18 days or so i'll be 25 years old..... i will make it all the way up to there . and O jesus ...god knows what i have been through . i am alive . and i am excited to do some kind of setling down .

margo is gonna get an appartment, i have finally found a job that let me be a freakin' wel'so'fare'i do love to suck at the government's money... it's there ... i am one of those that loves society ,. fuck those punk pretend to be anarchY and complaning all day long about society and tra la lala lal .. society IS .. and you are wiser if you know how to play with it ...
we actually are surroundede by a painting alive of so many fuck top tools , all we need to do ... is learn which ones of these tools .. you are willling to use them , try 'em, masturbate reality with the tools that have been given to me .
i am a ninja, a cowboy, and a gentle lady , o i willl hold the door for you my love . if you show me better then what i have discovered ... or you know what . maybe alll i want is to find someone that will ask me out ... invite the boy standing at the altar , seduce thhe girl alone ... in need of romance .. in need of a story , told , in rolls of film ,,, strip down the core of someone' else ;s reality ... so i forget about mine . just foor one night .... and after that feature . so confort we willl find each other, in the warm and soft n spot of each other's arms.....


after another weekend going round and round in society .. .. l.o.v.e. is in the shades of my eyes, love is underneath the surface of my skin... this friend of mine . Brescia .. took a needle . and stick and poke ... ink .. ink . again going under sweet so of my left arm .. little . gentle .

tattoo ................................. result . a heart . le coeur a l'envers , comme une phrase se perd a la mer .

in the ocean black . in the ocean blue .. i am . you are ... the waves are so wide .. i havn't found you yet .. my love ..

your name i cannot whisper to the moon .. we havn't met each other yet , my l.o.v.e. .. my name Marijo St-Amour

july i awated y.o.u.

june still. i can see an end to this era of couch surfin my way all over this city ( montreal). i am soon to get my flat . a three and a half. in the indian village . i just got back from toronto. it ws queer*down*weekend. all good , some crushes i tought would have happen towards my way , but not , instead i met new people, i finally met some i had been in touch, in words before. i find it crazy this ability i have to imagine relationship everywhere, and i am O so glad i am being true to all the people i would like to fall for more then friend... ship .. with . i am please right now , i consider myself so fucking happy with the friends i have all over .. some knows me a little , some have known me .. in crazy sad or delirious ... .peacefulll and calm i actuallly fell right now . . i am a going to be a controversial coming of age type of woman. the king of girl, that loves still to beleive i am neither a girl nor a man , . i am a bOy .. and hell of a grand woman. . gender what so ever, i am one of these excited to turn into a quarter of century.... soon ... in 18 days or so i'll be 25 years old..... i will make it all the way up to there . and O jesus ...god knows what i have been through . i am alive . and i am excited to do some kind of setling down .

margo is gonna get an appartment, i have finally found a job that let me be a freakin' wel'so'fare'i do love to suck at the government's money... it's there ... i am one of those that loves society ,. fuck those punk pretend to be anarchY and complaning all day long about society and tra la lala lal .. society IS .. and you are wiser if you know how to play with it ...
we actually are surroundede by a painting alive of so many fuck top tools , all we need to do ... is learn which ones of these tools .. you are willling to use them , try 'em, masturbate reality with the tools that have been given to me .
i am a ninja, a cowboy, and a gentle lady , o i willl hold the door for you my love . if you show me better then what i have discovered ... or you know what . maybe alll i want is to find someone that will ask me out ... invite the boy standing at the altar , seduce thhe girl alone ... in need of romance .. in need of a story , told , in rolls of film ,,, strip down the core of someone' else ;s reality ... so i forget about mine . just foor one night .... and after that feature . so confort we willl find each other, in the warm and soft n spot of each other's arms.....


after another weekend going round and round in society .. .. l.o.v.e. is in the shades of my eyes, love is underneath the surface of my skin... this friend of mine . Brescia .. took a needle . and stick and poke ... ink .. ink . again going under sweet so of my left arm .. little . gentle .

tattoo ................................. result . a heart . le coeur a l'envers , comme une phrase se perd a la mer .

in the ocean black . in the ocean blue .. i am . you are ... the waves are so wide .. i havn't found you yet .. my love ..

your name i cannot whisper to the moon .. we havn't met each other yet , my l.o.v.e. .. my name Marijo St-Amour

magick for cancer tropic

dear night. ! i truly love you .. i ackonledge a long time ago you are one i can whisper those words in your way.
i can write more then you ever tought you could wish for. but this time i will write for me and only me .i live it..
sitting at casa del popolo. scotch whyskey and i am able to just sit randomly outside. it's all good. those punkster drunken people sitting right next to me. and i am the one free . of course i couldn't stay at meaghan'shouse ! and sleep right away. i'd rather get high and drink more whyskees. and write myself.. no matter what comes out. i will only have this one thing to do. write my way out of the crowd.

O and i'm a pirate. i ra my bike so fast to Tom's house , so i can put on my spiderweb shirt, and in this house people are sleepy. me. a true alley cat, and i don't care where i fucking am i have a boy to steal a penfrom. . and then i can write my soul, my sex , my hands have no one to touch tonight so they rather travel like this intense built-up. you know when you want to come but you want to keep the heat for such a long run. . sexing the cherries. without even touching myself. . you can do it . all you neeed is to beleive. i want to beleive inyou .. j....d....s

THE CURE . ( even tough i wanna kidnap you to go see a nin show) ... i wanne runaway with you, i know know
it can seem hard, when you had tought you wanted , could party with the same people you do in this city .
but, please, i am also lost and lonely, and i have this gifted instinct.. called crazyness for a god reason. , i am trying to be true to you , to be honest to you even if i don't know a single clue about you .

but hear my voices, they fall like waves in blue on the paper when i am suppose to be sleeping i cannOt .
i'd rather keep my eyes, sleepy but alive. i think it's adrenaline i know how to create soft and natural potions of adrenaline. for you and me .
and i want you to say yes. it's easy , it's crazy. but i wish i could give you no choice. . but i praise the stars.
tonight i am so alone, and i want to be alone. i want to run away wth you for one weekend in a car ... DIDI said you can drive. i think i wanna play . hole in the car. the cure.... in a bad radio. we shall not care .
i will never fall away, i will always want to show you how we can pray .

we havn't even got together, but i do .. know we could fly away and be . true / i wanna meet someone that show me . honesty . and i'll show them what inetnsity and love is all about , in alevel of surreality .
where the childrens are old ... and they still bring it on to the c.o.r.e. of their dreams . i want to dreams

dreams . in myself . i want someone to mirrored into my shYli. her dreams .
and make lifes turns into a real true sinema . where everything is right . and there is no ned of reality .
i will not let you fall down my friend. if for this one weekend you wanna be my. love...

i am an Altar boy .. for you to beleive ... this morning i cancelled in a stress release all of my gavernemnet is appointment ... i biked to my dearest friend lady pirate .. her name is shawnda.. she is another angel of ligt that holds inside the most complete of all colors you could dream you even had it in your eye s,.. .

this color is B.L.A.c.K..... and us... the pirates.. sometimes we twist our inner knife. inside our heart .. .like a play game .. only magicians can handle... but we twist the fine fine blade .. into our own ... infinite SELF.

we have trashed down .. boundaries in thhe world that you think you see eveydya ..

me .. me and my friends .... we sometimes ... when you are in bed ... trying to dreams .. .

we are dancing romantic tango .... with the moonlight .. standing straight in perfect luscious body motions...
on top of fences ..... with silver steel inter- twined.. like the wires they put so high to protect .. the mad man of cities ... no one will ever be able to even suck at our tinted toes.... my friend .. the lasy pirate.. the angelm that feeds me chocolate in the morning .. her toes are tinted red ... the color of passions..... sometimes our bodies are ... bruise... d .... and colored .. by sun light ... but .. we know tricks..... from the oldest ....... preachers .. the animals in land ... have been given us powers to .... touch our red tinted toed together... just .. to grow stronger then trains..... except we are magick dancers ... dancers on top of broken silver fences....


one of us is going to the sea.... to the ocean black ... where you see .... blue..... underneath ... so deep ...

the only colors that lives ..... for ever .. is B.L.A.C.K.....

i love you my friend......... and i will keep on ... stoping in morning fresh dew.... with chinesse. potion.

to warm up your blood ... so our hearts stays red .. and glorious... give me my sin . i'll take it again...

my name is marijo st-amour.. one they i'll find someone to call me my love... then my name
will also be . jami Y

alive in the city ...

morning , early as a bird , but my only problem here is i am none the less a vampire, a true gremlins , the kind you feed after midnight ... And i do .. feed my soul after the night sets asleep ....
i a wide awake , ..when friends are all over the city i wander ... wandering stars , they have been watching after me lately . i feel almost bless after winter ... a couple of days ago i had to write it .. on my skin , spomtanious , tattoo of the day .. the WINTER IS OVER ! .. i have had enough , i've seen enough .. i've tought it felt it , bleed it all over my world , reality have gone crazy .... i am finally on top oof that bridge , the one so high ...

now now ... w.o.r.d.s. for now ..

Sunlight, perfect day light , A day i had it al aplanned, but life is not the kind of play you weanna write , , people trying to write you future will be sucked by life's '' fade '' day .... Pale days and goes like the same re-shot of platonic exist away from me . Everyday i have stuff to dop . mission accompish. but i never refuse the unexpected .... the adventures and perfect places you secretly wanted to fall into ... they happens when you staty to see the details , and beleive me i am getting more then good at folllowing my instincts . i trust mainly the animal in me and i'm quite lucky the animal in me is wise enough .

Julia and i .. wel i did not respect our week away , how cold i of course she is irresistible . A friend i choose to love . ...... with such nobelty .

You know ... the starngest thing about me is that i don't remember the things i write to people,
i write to myself , and never remember . is it because i live so much in the now , or is it because my brain is so full that i don't remember the words my hands created the day before . i could feel sad and beleive that all the drugs i've ever taken ate the flesh in the back of my head . where dreams lays, but i refuse to beleive such things .... i am a dreamer and i;ll dye as a true fucking beleiver , ... i swear . toi gOd. i am the l.o.v.e.r..... and i wil make another confessions .

all morning i remember , all of last evening i also remember and as a further all i wanna remember . is that i dream about you . i want you to slow the futile , and fast way your eyes are moving . be my shyness into the nights. i want to softly , gently take your neck in between my hands like if it was crystal . ... and hold it lik ethe circus freaky boy holds in and take in through the shadow lights . at nights of those crystal balls . but i live in this world. none the less i am a fantasist . i wanna hols you until you bite the truth out of my wrist .. where it says breath under water , i wanna taste of your lips .. i want to ... tout doucement ma langue sur les velours de votre avant-cou . the softest spot under your chin ..

where the heart beats .. where my heart beats ... like i am gonn achoke if i dont reveal to you a fragments of what i hold inside ,,..... i breath high .. i wanna breath LOW ..... low with you .....


l.o.w. .. with you ..... we are gonna diner ... i am trying to stick my eyes like target focused on the screen ..... enough . i wanna see you .. i wanna spy on the sweetes details .. the ones i could possibly save for later .. for the times alone .... for the nights alone ......

letters written in the high up .. castle of St-Andre ..... you were here ..... .. . . i am not shy ....

suddendly i remember julia says so ......

words from the sea

the cat finally flyed back to where mah roots are .... the ocean baby .. thats where the heart is i am no kidding ...

i am in the house you would never beleive ..... its so intense..... right by the eastern point of kanada.... ill be writing an intense blog later .. i am rewriting all my scenario .... i am more likely doing ninja straching .. taichi.. in a way i develop....my owntraining ... every day i wanna go walk the hills .. climb up the rocks….and breath in breath out …. I am recovering my senses …. This ability to move fast , smell sensations … no more broken sensations…. I do not cry when I am here …. I realize I had to make a true cleaning in a lot of relation…. Ships in montreal…. I know I will always be a sailor of my own pirateryes….. the house I am livin in is color maniacs…. I go out by the windows at night with a cup of tea…. I bring henry miller’s love and laughter….and I laugh alone in the dark…. To my horizon I see the waves , I heard them .. se fracasser sur des roches in colors silver …. Break into the silver rocks .. its perfect melody.. with the horns….i am pretty sure I am the only one to be sitting out in the cold at certain hours….. I am clear …. And I have decided where I am going after here …. I am going to a new city …. Just before I left a friend of mine was telling me about angry … and the nerves in my body … felt fed for a time … I called it eternity …..i am a serious taom’s .. in my friend tessa’s card there is fairy character … mine she said was called taom’s …. A poet turns into crazy .. he can be a thief , he is a fine warrior .. I’d rather be brave in my own path… I have places inside outside to reach …. Another friend told me I could be in skool I could still do art and work ,. And hang out and do it all … but maybe sometimes the people you would expect to be walking aside you … are the one in need of other lands, and bathory … I am feeling ok with myself going towards a different way //… I sas my oldest friend KGB here in the dead end Kanada, she is president of the freaking university .. can you believe it …… we use to do gib and more special cat’s tranquilisant , lines of magick powder they usually gives to put horses in the hands of morphee … getting stone … we use to go drown in holes together a long time ago …. No one really knew about her .. she looked so innocent … but now she deals with a whole student’s problematic’s solidarity… she is so tired , burnt out , I made her plates of fresh fruits as soon as I got here…. I am a reformed child innocent you would think so … but hell no I am also … none the less a woman with hands transgendered into silver blades … like a new genre of avant-garde type of samourai’s swords… je suis en devenir de trancher ….. vos ideaux….

Wait just a little bit more .. t’ll the day I can show .. me how sober I can be a That is my goal for the summer .. I don’t think I am ready to establish myself in any city … I shall wait just a little longer … then ill be flying to surprises A girl turns into Fish…

she is like a (s) pike I want her to come right in through my heart … hara-kiri for love .

in the ocean black

i want to dive in there ...
but there is a time ....
to do such things ,