i'm happy . sad . going inside me . mother can we stop into the zoo. le zoo.

dear time, i have been blessed well in my kind of church'n'blessing. after nights i saw my oldest friend and sister by now drinking and pulling out an act of inner evilry. and i had forgot why have we been so close from city to city. to the girl who just like me was born to grow a little crazy . i've develop this thing they call loyalty, and in the end she is hell-o-worth to stay arround so, to struggle with the tough nuts hard to crack up. and this one was somehow broken from the inside. so i have to be gentle. which i can do, cuz i dream about it to like no one knows.
tonight i played the good old chemistry specialist, and left for a midnight ride , long ride, and we have imagination better then any education... so much sweetness and emotion , drunken not, only we are not truly sober, but what really could it matter , i have seen it matter before, in love and in lost. and in the end, i have nothing to hide, or do because someone would wish me to.. i want to feel with people. and my sister tonight we went back into roots, the word we whispered in between euphoric art and beauty and pain and just straight damn bring it up, there is not much puzzle we together have no chance to solve. no au contraire when we reach harmony, it works. o so fine, it's tender listening still we are gonna end up in the zoo, but tonight it's not a sad sad zoo. trust . peace inside is a safe but alas the not so easy road to follow. but it will show you love traces inside of you the essence of pleasure, but also lost ... and you will keep going your way solid you know peace is another form of mental ejaculation, one that comes very naturally.

good god, i just took a look at one of my handwritten journals, thinking maybe i could start tonight more of that re-processing my past in proses, but to read and type and read re-type, is pretty boring when instead i could just move my fingers on the keyboard , i seriousely rarely think ahead of the next sentences, i don't hear it then oh, write it.. it's not a note reminder of what there might have been after,no no no it's called guts on paper 101, the class i took long ago. lifetime study and trust me i'm devoted like no one else.

an hour ago althea played a cd of amazing tando with female voices, old skool, she was dancing in movements who can only be born after emotions. and for the second time ever i did the spoken words sit-up performance... real long text and fucking hell i had picked the good one , even i was surprise os teh rythmns, words falling hard so soft .
of course it hit you so hard nights like this you feel fine, but althea and i are rare to miss an opportunity to pretend we could do more, create. stable. ( laugh ) ( laugh again the whole time i am silent ) stability runs strange with my blood, what i like is comfort an ddiscipline is teh best also the ardest . altough there is a voice in the back of my mind, lie the others she won't get away with it, down down .. the voice who's whispered strike always on how i could terribly stay solid, and face time, slowly going by, instead of playing speed illustrated life in a zine... fuck that, arn't you the one who know by the now, you don't fit in a zine, too fat .. . i could take it personally and say fuck you , not fat bt too deep . and details.

it's just another fact, simple i have too much words i need to break free somehow else i doubt it would be healthy ..

portishead playing ( i can mention it's so much past . )

in october i know the sun is still asleep at 6'08 ... if he comes up too bright, althea and i have decided to throw some breakfast fine cuisine at him...

we went to play in the zoo, i can't tell you about it, secret for isomniak. get to know me and we'll see.

i'll write you a note another day .. long note.