is writing & lightning can hit me, incorruptible my heart abide by it's love ...

really i should be writing the endless pages of fine lines of words,words again from my book, but that's boring after midnight even,no matter how your body et votre cervelle est fatigue, it' s better to let it go, then to read and copy so. i left my bed too early this morning on my way first to a new beginning, working. and the strengt it took me to resist the envy so crazy to come back home and play more with the words i adore. but i felt some kind of guilt for the man wanting me for company, so i left in a car with him, 35 seconds later i knew like stone i would not last the day. but how could i tell him, i felt bad, what do i say, sorry for leaving but it' s quite fucking boring the life you run, and not even worth the money i need to survive by wasting my time here with you '' i took him to the mont-royal pretending we could go and walk each our own side of the street and meet each other in a little while. so i walked acting my way until i saw the perfect gate to my serious escape, alley cat walking fast avoiding all the main road in case he would feel like following me. damn was i free again, thank goodness. i find it harder every time now to get back in the world of pretending, that you like to do the shit you care not for. i am an actress not a salestress. the whole day went by numb and awake, few words from out of me, i wrote all kinds all day, then my voice fading rusty sounds when Althea came back, it was then i realize i was the one needing a break, elsewhere with the friends that always make you feel o.k. i got save by familiar land, lady pirate behind the bar, smile at me and indeed the feeling is warm, and i sat a little shaky until music gave me the best smoothing shot, hit me with prayers, by the madonne. oldies have always been a savior key for the end of my day. after the visit of my sexy dawg, and miss may i felt o.k. to leave, in peace , well some kind of peace back home, while i can steal an hour alone in here. so quiet when i am alone here, and i like it. i can't take much, no more, music scares me if there is too loud of a chaos in notes .

''nothing compare to you '' last night at the very last hour before sunrise, usually the time i run in discipline under my blankets to find warmth and make sure i don't see the new day before this one is over. now i do need and like this fragment, mediane to slice them apart. even with an hour of sleep i feel better, but it doesn't last forever this strengt. i wish for times to appear giving me no other choice but to watch films and sleep. every time i go back to family it always begins with a dense, profond sommeil et une paresse a n'en plus finir. soon i'll be craving for something like that. soon.

later that night, i had been trying to get un extrait from the book just for fun, this craving for words i search the dictionary wanting better words, more special you know. but the fun went dropping fast with the arrival of thunder sister, and lord do i feel like i would rather be expatriate from my own tribe on a night like this, walking in towards me raging for what , for fucking food she gets given as a gift, for free, but o amazing she can walk better then me. more likely she is not busy with her dreams asleep. i know the feeling when you are swallowing constantly the taste of creation in your mouth , there is much fear to throw out. let go . what exactly are you scared off, the spit who could fall on your shirt, on your shoes. really, would you rather get some stranger drooling on your chest, or pasta sauce on your chin, then paint. paint is the only medium who will stay, and be remembered on another day ... i am up in my tower finally quiet again, but what i am seaking is peace, inside me . and i am getting sick so when the people's act around you gives the impressions that you shall follow the day on trial to see if true you o crime took more of what is brought then what you can provide. well my heart and trust and loyalty is priceless and so those inner weapons my friends should carry always aware that burning lava could be crawling to get you. and your ally with a belly empty will i bet defend the weak and fierce energy he has left to save his own ass. lord am i sounding so drastic and fatal, of course i forgive and know how to, but as much as my memory can be lacking lots of day, in the details i looked twice and it gets brood over in my mind quite easy. i am a little drastic but the place to be, feeling down against the wall with someone having the last word so easy on the verdict final of where you can stay. i need a home , i need to feel safe even when i am self auto drowning myself and the feeling to tell me i need to cover myself and not to count on my family... then life tough me to stay strong, stand for yourself, but the tristesse and souvenirs annoying to recall, they are the one to weakened the taste i could share and the joy i am able to act out when needed...

Thinen my love then i will turn into a raptor . starving still. so please don't go there. it's worth nothing but to loose the strengt you should use to express your dreams on canvas then maybe i might give your rage true respect.