love is the only blood i'll let my life be fluid... ( and my body futile )

this text will be long, truly long and explainning in the end. for now sad but true i only have a few seconds to say .
the more i see gone the day , it reflects like a sharp knife i don't even feel the pain. i have been diving into my past in words of love and romance to realize what is. who really i feel towards, and who i respect like i don't even respect reality compare to you Cuz i feel it when you are down, and i would liike to go even a little lower just to get there on time . the clouds you could trust enough to let yourself fall endlessly.
falling i have been low enough to spare time rebuilding the lather road strong metal you climb and please come up, on the surface where our feelings are shinning red and black we could melt the world . is white and lazy compare to the colors i see when you ride across my mind..

i will be clearer then ever . later . like crystal. you are beyong any diamonds. you remind me of how childrens get so happy in their smile when they reach the ocean ... the sea inside me is about to change it's colors.
i never lied to my own heart . it's a crime to die without it. and maybe in the end, honesty will trick the story meant to be fairy, who grew real enough for me to face the murdereded love i claimed so crazy how much i wanted the water to stay dark. the colors were always black. and there is days when i get thirsty insane and i get scroll back memory of the liquid feeling so pure, the kind of blue you open your eyes and nothing burns, the sea so sweet no salt . no more. i am not that cheerful because the conclusion created is different but none the less fatale. you still know only when your heart beat slow, is when you start breathing this ocean of love, you rest and there is nothing left to be felt but the love you injected yourself with. i shall say a better ending then the night you slept and cheated your own life with heroine.

it's hard to explain here , right now the way i saw it in my eyes, the way you came back, maybe to show me more sense, maybe to help in the redemption, making sure i don't spare another 8 fucking years beleiving in the feelings born to become empty. i am the one who decided long ago that my cancer was this feeling they call empty... and i looked so fiercely at life, to let her know she is not the one who will take me away the way she took my mother away , i will be the one to create the path , and as a lover only will i go back to her . but not now, i am not done dreaming, i am not done alone. nothing is over if there is still a love i have not written out of me without a single lies....